Five Times Merlin Remembered
by suninmypocket
Summary: and one time he didn't. Merthur.


**One**

The first time Arthur comes back, it's 1381, and the Peasants' Revolt. Merlin's been caught up in it, entirely by accident, of course. Arthur appears one night by the lake, and Merlin rushes towards him. "You're back," he says, stupidly, tongue blunted by surprise.

"Yes, _Mer_lin," Arthur says, and the fond exasperation colouring his voice is achingly familiar to Merlin.

Neither of them knows why he's back, at least to begin with. Merlin's the village's physician, and he's been helping anyone injured in nearby skirmishes with the king's men. He ropes Arthur in for a bit, before, one day, Arthur gets more restless than usual and abruptly announces that he wants to join the fight.

He gets nicknamed 'What' by the rebels, who can't quite believe that his name is _Arthur Pendragon_. They accept him quickly, though, and soon he is their leader. 'What' becomes 'Wat' and eventually he has the new name of Wat Tyler. Merlin shakes his head, despairingly, every time Arthur returns injured from another fight, but he has to admit, even if it is only to himself, that Arthur looks so much more alive when he's leading men into battle.

Once Arthur meets John Ball, though, _that's _when Merlin decides that it has to stop. He says as much to Arthur, and they argue. Arthur leaves the house, and Merlin sits staring into the fire. "I haven't had enough time," he mutters. "I haven't had enough time with him, yet. Please, please don't take him." He's crying, now, and he still is when Arthur comes back in to say sorry. Merlin hastily wipes his eyes clear of tears and accepts Arthur's apology.

From then on, he spends every minute he can with Arthur. He becomes known as Jack Straw and he starts to feel every thread of his life unravel as the beginning of the end draws near.

By the time the king betrays them, Merlin has completely resigned himself to the fact that he's going to have to watch Arthur die _again._ That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt to watch Arthur go to his death with the bearing of a king. That doesn't mean Merlin doesn't yell and plead and beg and cry. That doesn't mean that he doesn't finally break his promise to himself never to use magic again to get himself out. Because he does all this, and he swears to bring down the king, but he never does. Perhaps it's because he knows it won't bring Arthur back.

He lives out his life this time, lives it out until he's an old man and dies of natural causes. He knows he'll come back, just as Arthur will in time.

**Two**

The year of 1381 is the first and only time that it happens quite like that. The next time that Arthur comes back is in 1589. Merlin's working at the Globe Theatre as a stagehand and he's enjoying it really. It's very much like being Arthur's manservant, he thinks. And when Arthur turns up one day, an actor looking for a job, it's even more so.

He gets assigned to Arthur, cleaning his rooms and washing his clothes, and he's having a serious episode of déjà vu right now. But he can see immediately that Arthur doesn't remember any of his past. And Merlin's not going to lie. It hurts. Even though he knew that it might happen like this, it still hurts.

Arthur's just as much of a prat as he remembers him to be, back when he first knew him. And Merlin can't even hate him properly for it. He's a brilliant actor, too. All of every crowd is always on their feet at the end of one of his performances. And Merlin, standing in the wings, is wondering whether this Arthur is in any way similar to the one he knew. Because, to him, they seem entirely different.

Then, one day, the theatre manager decides to do an Arthurian legend. Specifically the one that embodies Merlin's worst memories. Arthur's death at Camlann. And Arthur is chosen to play King Arthur. Merlin tries to get out of helping for it, he really does. But the theatre manager is adamant that they can't do it without him.

And so he watches Arthur die on stage. Not for real, but in his mind he relives the memories of Camlann and watches Arthur die behind his eyelids as clearly as when he first saw it.

He's attempting not to cry when Arthur gets back to his dressing room. Attempting and pretty much failing. "It's just a play, Merlin," he says, frowning. And Merlin has no way of saying _no, it's not. It's my life, it's your life, and it's your death_, because Arthur doesn't remember.

Then one day, Arthur's acting his part, and he just stops. Inexplicably and suddenly. The crowd is confused, and Merlin doesn't blame them; he is, too. Arthur gathers himself, and continues with his soliloquy.

Afterwards, in the dressing rooms, he says, "Merlin." And Merlin says,

"You're back," because, really, what else is there to say.

**Three**

The third time Arthur comes back, it's as the crown prince of England. The year is 1879, and Merlin is his manservant again. It's just the same as the first time, except sword fighting has been replaced by fencing and a multitude of balls. All for the purpose of finding Arthur a wife, Merlin supposes. He knows that Gwen will appear at one of the balls, because he knows that they're destined to be together every time.

So every time Arthur asks him what he thinks of this girl or that girl, he finds a reason why they're not the one for Arthur. "She's too thin", "she's too tall", "her nose is crooked", "her eyes are too far apart" until one day Arthur asks, "What have you got against all the women I see at the balls?"

"Nothing," Merlin tries to bluff. His skills at lying have not come along in the two thousand plus years he's had to work on them. Arthur looks at him, sceptically. "Nothing!" Merlin insists.

"I don't believe you, _Mer_lin." And Merlin's heart lurches in his chest at the familiar inflection that Arthur put on the word. He shrugs and turns back to the task he was doing before Arthur asked him the question. "_Mer_lin, don't be like that."

"Be like what?"

"Sulky, because I said I didn't believe you."

"I'm not sulking."

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not."

"_Mer_lin," Arthur says. And Merlin's heart lurches again.

"Prat," he says, under his breath. There's a pause.

"What did you say?" Arthur asks, finally. His voice is strained, so Merlin turns around to face him.

"I said, prat," he says. "I called you a prat." He says it slowly, as if he's trying to convince himself that he really did just call the crown prince of England a prat. Arthur's rubbing his eyes, like he's trying to rid his mind of something he doesn't want to see again. "Merlin," he says. And Merlin doesn't know _how_ he knows that it's his Arthur back; he just does.

At the next ball, Arthur meets Gwen, and this time, Merlin says to him, "She's perfect."

**Four**

It's 1917 and Merlin joins the army. He's hardly old enough to, he knows that, but they don't care. They let him in, no questions asked. After all, he's lived so many lives that they can probably tell he's older than the 18 he says he is.

He does the training; he reads every book he can find on modern warfare. And he still feels unprepared when he gets to France. The trenches are horribly cramped and Merlin feels claustrophobic from the moment he gets in them. They're also completely maze-like and Merlin gets lost so many times that by the end of the first week, his superiors have given up on him arriving anywhere on time. Sometimes, Merlin thinks, it's like living in a rabbit warren. He's got lost for about the fiftieth time that week (a new record – his fellow soldiers are starting to take bets) when he meets Arthur.

Arthur is above Merlin in rank, a Lieutenant. "Sorry," Merlin mutters when he bumps into him. _Really, these trenches are too small_, he thinks. "You must be Merlin," Arthur says.

"Yes," Merlin replies, unsure why Arthur would know his name.

"My men have all got bets on how late you'll be if we end up getting a fight this month."

"Great," Merlin says, sarcastically, vaguely aware that he shouldn't be talking to a superior officer like this but also that superior officers don't tend to talk to men below their rank like Merlin in this way either. Arthur laughs, and Merlin's heart skips a beat because he remembers that laugh. He remembers it from every life he has lived with Arthur, but especially the first one. "Where are you meant to be?" Arthur asks.

"I don't know," Merlin has to admit.

"Do you know who you're meant to be with?"

"No," Merlin says. "He shouts a lot, though." Arthur rolls his eyes.

"That could be anyone."

"Oh. Right." Arthur sighs.

"Come on, then. I'll help you find someone who does know."

"Thanks," Merlin says, relieved.

Apparently, Arthur later decides to have Merlin transferred to his battalion. And, oh God it's just like being back at Camelot, with the knights. There's Gwaine there, and Leon, and Percival, and Lancelot, and Elyan, who tells Merlin the first night that he has a sister called Gwen. And it's just too much sometimes, to be surrounded by old friends, but to be having to make friends with them all over again, to have to act like they're new friends.

And then, one day, the orders come for Arthur's battalion minus Merlin to go over the top. And Merlin knows that this is it. This is Arthur's death. And he's not going to be there. So he goes to the burrow-room where Arthur sleeps.

He's awake. He's always been unable to sleep before a major battle, no matter how hard Merlin tried to make him sleep. He looks up as Merlin enters. "You never learnt how to knock, did you?" he says.

"Arthur," Merlin whispers.

"I missed you," Arthur's voice breaks on the last word. "God!" He fists his hands and presses them to his temples. "I missed you so much," he says. "I don't want to leave this time." Merlin smiles, sadly.

"I don't want you to," he says. "But you have to."

"Will I come back?" Arthur sounds unsure of himself for maybe the first time in the two thousand years that Merlin has known him.

"Undoubtedly," Merlin says. "And I'll be waiting."

The next day, Arthur and his men go over the top. Merlin never sees him again in this life.

**Five**

Merlin likes the 1980s. To him, they're fresh and new and so incredibly _different _from whatever he's experienced before. He meets Arthur this time at his new job. Arthur's the company manager and Merlin's in IT support.

Arthur calls him into his office, one day, to fix his computer. Even Merlin can see that this is a flimsy excuse for seeing someone. "It's not broken," he says.

"Ah. It must just be me," Arthur replies. "Thanks for your help."

Merlin wonders if Arthur knows about them, but is too scared to ask Merlin if he knows too. If the number of calls to fix his computer is anything to go by, that may well be the case. He decides to test his theory out the next time Arthur calls him in.

They've got quite friendly, over the months that Merlin's been visiting Arthur's office to fix his non-existent computer problems. Which is why Merlin feels he can get away with saying, "It's fixed, _sire_." in a sarcastic tone. He sees Arthur stiffen and feels a horrible sense of dread. But Arthur's hushed breath of _Merlin_ tells him that he's called it right. "I told you you'd be back," is all he can think to say.

**Plus One**

One time, it's Arthur who remembers, not Merlin. They're sixteen and in high school. Arthur is the principal's son, and Merlin is a slightly weird, gangly kid. Arthur sometimes gets glimpses of past lives they've shared, sometimes remembers how Merlin used to be the most godawful servant ever. Sometimes remembers how brave he was. The Merlin he knows now doesn't match up to any of the Merlins he's known in the past. 'Maybe he doesn't remember,' Arthur thinks, then feels panicked because Merlin is always the one who remembers and that's how it goes. He always remembers and he always knows what to do. And now Arthur's been thrown in at the deep end.

Which is why he's relieved when Dr Gaius, their history teacher, pairs them up to do a project, on Merlin and Arthur from Arthurian legend no less.

They do the project round Merlin's house, where his mother, Hunith, brings them a plate of chocolate chip cookies. They'd stopped off at the library on their way and had picked up a selection of books about King Arthur. "So," Merlin says, once they have settled on his bedroom floor. "To begin with, King Arthur is always portrayed as a relatively young man. And Merlin is portrayed as an old man."

"He wasn't, though," Arthur blurts out, then curses his stupidity.

"He wasn't old?" Merlin asks.

"No, he had magic and so could choose whether to appear as old or not," Arthur explains, lamely.

"Right," Merlin draws the word out, sceptically. Arthur looks away.

"It says here that Merlin was Arthur's mentor and advisor," Merlin says sometime later.

"He was his manservant," Arthur mutters. "He was a manservant and he saved Arthur's life many times with magic, but Arthur never knew that Merlin had magic until he was dying."  
"Why not?" Merlin asks.

"Magic was banned by Uther after it caused his wife's death. Anyone suspected of having magic was executed."

"Your dad's called Uther, isn't he?" Merlin says, frowning, and Arthur nods. "And your sister's called Morgana."

"Half-sister," Arthur corrects, absentmindedly, more focused on that maybe Merlin's remembering.

"Your friends are called Lance, Gwaine and Percival. And my friends are Mordred and Gwen, short for Guinevere." Merlin is just muttering this to himself at the moment, frowning deeper and deeper. "I think," he says. "I think I remember. About you and me and Avalon and Camlann and everything." He looks at Arthur and Arthur can see that it's _his _Merlin back.

"Thank God," he breathes. "I thought you never would."

"Prat," Merlin says, good-naturedly.

"I missed you," Arthur mutters, embarrassedly.

"I've missed you, too," Merlin replies, smiling. And then Arthur does something that he never quite plucked up the courage to do in the two thousand years or so that he has known Merlin in various quantities and different forms.

He kisses him.

Merlin doesn't even act vaguely surprised, just tangles his fingers in Arthur's hair and pulls him closer, as if he's been waiting thousands of years for this moment, which, to be fair, he probably has. "I thought you never would," he echoes, when they break apart.

"Idiot," Arthur says, fondly, though he would deny it later.

"Clotpole," comes the reply.


End file.
